Dopey J/B Smut: Anal-Retentive (R)

[arrow00]

Title: Anal-Retentive
Author: arrow00
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Blair responds.
Now with podfic read by kalakirya!
Notes: This is a sorta sequel thing to Daily Atrocities


Signal Markers of Anal-Retentiveness in the Modern-Day Sentinel
(An Annotated Compendium)

by Dr. Blair Sandburg, Ph.D.

Researcher notes that Subject, a forty year-old white male with hypersensitivity, exhibits marked behaviors of anal-retentive syndrome. To wit:


• Subject files his nails after trimming them.
  
• Enjoys puerile fart humor.
  
• Squeezes toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. (Who does that?)
  
• Gets grumpy if someone borrows his robe and returns it after their shower.
  
• Owns at least three dust-busters, one for upstairs and two for downstairs.
  
• Wears only white, all-cotton socks (and bleaches them if they get the tiniest bit pink because of some inexplicable laundry mix-up.)
  
• Refuses to engage in bowel movement if anyone else is present in apartment.
  
• Was a bed wetter as a small boy. [Subject's response: This is a lie.]
  
• Spends a little too much time cleaning his gun. (Overuse of gun oil possibly explains frequent "slippage.") [Subject: Bite me, Sandburg.]
  
• Will swipe your half-empty cup of coffee and dump it out to wash the cup, afterward asking speciously, "Oh, weren't you done with that?"
  
• Obsessively waxes and shines his vehicle, dubbed "Sweetheart." [Subject: You're just jealous.]
  [Researcher: Wax this.]
  [Subject: Thought that's what I did last night.]
  
• Really, really loves having his asshole played with. [Subject: Yep.]
  
• Won't do me bareback. [Subject: You have any idea how many blood transfusions I've had? I can't put you at risk, babe.]
  
• Won't say "I love you," unless he whispers it in the dark. [Subject: On paper then, I love you, you schmuck.]
  [Researcher: Ditto. Sweetheart.]
  
• Three words: color-coded Tupperware [Subject: That's two words, Darwin. One's a compound.]
  [Researcher: Q.E.D.]
  

.....................
2007.07.26

(Note: The prequel to this is Daily Atrocities.)

Comments

[starshine24mc.livejournal.com]

Abso-freakin-lutely brilliant!

Thank you!

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D

Anal-Retentive

[ponders-life.livejournal.com]

::gigglesnort::

One typo: "I can't put you ask risk, babe." -- that should be "at risk," right?

[redgirl72928.livejournal.com]

Sweet, funny and sexy! I loved it! Thank you.

[roslynsmuse.livejournal.com]

A worthy sequel, indeed. Thanks for the laughs!

[snycock.livejournal.com]

LOL! Great story! Very funny...I love all the extra commentary by "Subject"...::snicker::

[iadorespike]

Now see, everyone would assume that Blair would be the one who has to get his two cents in, but here's Jim, and he just can't stop butting in. *giggles* Love the list...love the subject's interjections. Hee!

*pets the boys and Arrow*

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

[Subject: You're just jealous.] [Researcher: Wax this.] [Subject: Thought that's what I did last night.]

Heh heh heh. ::many snickergrins:: And then zap, you go all: "[Subject: You have any idea how many blood transfusions I've had? I can't put you at risk, babe.]" -- my heart turned into instant whimpering mush.

And -- "[Subject: On paper then, I love you, you schmuck.]
[Researcher: Ditto. Sweetheart.]" -- I love them when they're not soppy! ::licks them, they're so appealing this way:: and the excellent Tupperware snark.

You makes me very happy, you does, you know...

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

I seem to have missed so much fic yesterday, it's not true :;glares at LJ:;

I loved 'Daily Atrocities' and I love this. They're such guys and the love shines through all the insults. Made me grin and sigh schmoopily over in equal measure.

[whipsandscums.livejournal.com]

Funny.
"Wax this". Mental images. *G*

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

funny,and snarky,
Laurie

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

I am only just finding my way around the Sentinle fandom these days, adn have freinded you instantly for these wonderful stories. I *loved* this - and the prequel. You have an abundance of wit and talent adn I'm thoroughly enjoying myself here. So a very late, but a very heartfelt thank you!!

[hanarobi.livejournal.com]

This and Daily Atrocities are just delightful. I laughed so hard at the bit about the excess gun oil and the relay of comments between researcher and subject.

So much fun. Thank you!

Snort

[justjeanette.livejournal.com]

My poor keyboard... It's now covered in the coffee I was drinking...
I should have known better having already read Daily Atrocities in the past that I would end up doing a spit-take.

Very Funny.

JustJeanette