Dopey J/B Smut: Anal-Retentive (R)

[arrow00]

Title: Anal-Retentive
Author: arrow00
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Blair responds.
Now with podfic read by kalakirya!
Notes: This is a sorta sequel thing to Daily Atrocities


Signal Markers of Anal-Retentiveness in the Modern-Day Sentinel
(An Annotated Compendium)

by Dr. Blair Sandburg, Ph.D.

Researcher notes that Subject, a forty year-old white male with hypersensitivity, exhibits marked behaviors of anal-retentive syndrome. To wit:


• Subject files his nails after trimming them.
  
• Enjoys puerile fart humor.
  
• Squeezes toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. (Who does that?)
  
• Gets grumpy if someone borrows his robe and returns it after their shower.
  
• Owns at least three dust-busters, one for upstairs and two for downstairs.
  
• Wears only white, all-cotton socks (and bleaches them if they get the tiniest bit pink because of some inexplicable laundry mix-up.)
  
• Refuses to engage in bowel movement if anyone else is present in apartment.
  
• Was a bed wetter as a small boy. [Subject's response: This is a lie.]
  
• Spends a little too much time cleaning his gun. (Overuse of gun oil possibly explains frequent "slippage.") [Subject: Bite me, Sandburg.]
  
• Will swipe your half-empty cup of coffee and dump it out to wash the cup, afterward asking speciously, "Oh, weren't you done with that?"
  
• Obsessively waxes and shines his vehicle, dubbed "Sweetheart." [Subject: You're just jealous.]
  [Researcher: Wax this.]
  [Subject: Thought that's what I did last night.]
  
• Really, really loves having his asshole played with. [Subject: Yep.]
  
• Won't do me bareback. [Subject: You have any idea how many blood transfusions I've had? I can't put you at risk, babe.]
  
• Won't say "I love you," unless he whispers it in the dark. [Subject: On paper then, I love you, you schmuck.]
  [Researcher: Ditto. Sweetheart.]
  
• Three words: color-coded Tupperware [Subject: That's two words, Darwin. One's a compound.]
  [Researcher: Q.E.D.]
  

.....................
2007.07.26

(Note: The prequel to this is Daily Atrocities.)

Comments

[starshine24mc.livejournal.com]

Abso-freakin-lutely brilliant!

Thank you!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

:o

Anal-Retentive

[ponders-life.livejournal.com]

::gigglesnort::

One typo: "I can't put you ask risk, babe." -- that should be "at risk," right?

Re: Anal-Retentive

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thanks, fixed. :)

[redgirl72928.livejournal.com]

Sweet, funny and sexy! I loved it! Thank you.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked!

[roslynsmuse.livejournal.com]

A worthy sequel, indeed. Thanks for the laughs!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Tx!

[snycock.livejournal.com]

LOL! Great story! Very funny...I love all the extra commentary by "Subject"...::snicker::

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Subject is a PITA! Thanks, sny.

[iadorespike]

Now see, everyone would assume that Blair would be the one who has to get his two cents in, but here's Jim, and he just can't stop butting in. *giggles* Love the list...love the subject's interjections. Hee!

*pets the boys and Arrow*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Heh, can't keep his big nose out of it. :) Tx, Anna.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

[Subject: You're just jealous.] [Researcher: Wax this.] [Subject: Thought that's what I did last night.]

Heh heh heh. ::many snickergrins:: And then zap, you go all: "[Subject: You have any idea how many blood transfusions I've had? I can't put you at risk, babe.]" -- my heart turned into instant whimpering mush.

And -- "[Subject: On paper then, I love you, you schmuck.]
[Researcher: Ditto. Sweetheart.]" -- I love them when they're not soppy! ::licks them, they're so appealing this way:: and the excellent Tupperware snark.

You makes me very happy, you does, you know...

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Wee! snickergrins are tastier than moonpies.

[Subject: You have any idea how many blood transfusions I've had? I can't put you at risk, babe.]" -- my heart turned into instant whimpering mush.

I do worry about both of them being exposed to the blood of perps all the time, as well.

Thanks, T-lady.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

I seem to have missed so much fic yesterday, it's not true :;glares at LJ:;

I loved 'Daily Atrocities' and I love this. They're such guys and the love shines through all the insults. Made me grin and sigh schmoopily over in equal measure.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

There is just no freakin' end to the beauty of your icon collection. I really, really like that one.

Thanks for schmoopy grins.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It goes so well with my pillar-sex obsession as Jim's staring in that direction; just had to make it!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

I just *knew* it was the pillar! Thank you for the lovely mental image. :)

[whipsandscums.livejournal.com]

Funny.
"Wax this". Mental images. *G*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Wax on, wax off! :)

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

funny,and snarky,
Laurie

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

:D Tx.

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

I am only just finding my way around the Sentinle fandom these days, adn have freinded you instantly for these wonderful stories. I *loved* this - and the prequel. You have an abundance of wit and talent adn I'm thoroughly enjoying myself here. So a very late, but a very heartfelt thank you!!

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Apologies for the spelling errors above - the print came out positively microscopic for some reason, and I'd've needed Sentinel eyes to check my too-fast typing.*g*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Much better late than never at all! Thank you so much for being generous with your comments. Glad you have rediscovered our fandom. Let me know if you need help finding anything.

[hanarobi.livejournal.com]

This and Daily Atrocities are just delightful. I laughed so hard at the bit about the excess gun oil and the relay of comments between researcher and subject.

So much fun. Thank you!

Snort

[justjeanette.livejournal.com]

My poor keyboard... It's now covered in the coffee I was drinking...
I should have known better having already read Daily Atrocities in the past that I would end up doing a spit-take.

Very Funny.

JustJeanette

Re: Snort

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thanks, JJ. Happy to assault your sinuses. :)