Dopey J/B Smut: Anal-Retentive (R)

[arrow00]

Title: Anal-Retentive
Author: arrow00
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Blair responds.
Now with podfic read by kalakirya!
Notes: This is a sorta sequel thing to Daily Atrocities


Signal Markers of Anal-Retentiveness in the Modern-Day Sentinel
(An Annotated Compendium)

by Dr. Blair Sandburg, Ph.D.

Researcher notes that Subject, a forty year-old white male with hypersensitivity, exhibits marked behaviors of anal-retentive syndrome. To wit:


• Subject files his nails after trimming them.
  
• Enjoys puerile fart humor.
  
• Squeezes toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. (Who does that?)
  
• Gets grumpy if someone borrows his robe and returns it after their shower.
  
• Owns at least three dust-busters, one for upstairs and two for downstairs.
  
• Wears only white, all-cotton socks (and bleaches them if they get the tiniest bit pink because of some inexplicable laundry mix-up.)
  
• Refuses to engage in bowel movement if anyone else is present in apartment.
  
• Was a bed wetter as a small boy. [Subject's response: This is a lie.]
  
• Spends a little too much time cleaning his gun. (Overuse of gun oil possibly explains frequent "slippage.") [Subject: Bite me, Sandburg.]
  
• Will swipe your half-empty cup of coffee and dump it out to wash the cup, afterward asking speciously, "Oh, weren't you done with that?"
  
• Obsessively waxes and shines his vehicle, dubbed "Sweetheart." [Subject: You're just jealous.]
  [Researcher: Wax this.]
  [Subject: Thought that's what I did last night.]
  
• Really, really loves having his asshole played with. [Subject: Yep.]
  
• Won't do me bareback. [Subject: You have any idea how many blood transfusions I've had? I can't put you at risk, babe.]
  
• Won't say "I love you," unless he whispers it in the dark. [Subject: On paper then, I love you, you schmuck.]
  [Researcher: Ditto. Sweetheart.]
  
• Three words: color-coded Tupperware [Subject: That's two words, Darwin. One's a compound.]
  [Researcher: Q.E.D.]
  

.....................
2007.07.26

(Note: The prequel to this is Daily Atrocities.)

Comments

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Apologies for the spelling errors above - the print came out positively microscopic for some reason, and I'd've needed Sentinel eyes to check my too-fast typing.*g*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Much better late than never at all! Thank you so much for being generous with your comments. Glad you have rediscovered our fandom. Let me know if you need help finding anything.