New F/K Snippet: All of Us Drown (PG)

[arrow00]

Title: All of Us Drown
Podfic: here
Author: arrow00
Pairing: Fraser/RayK
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,262
Warning: gratuitous schmoop
Summary: Fraser goes under.


All of Us Drown

By Arrow


Fraser wants to breathe, but it's too difficult, as if the air had condensed from gaseous to liquid form while he was falling, the crack of the bat against his ribs still resonating in his ears like an exclamation point.

And then he is underwater, chest heaving without success, and in the dim glow surrounding him he records—Ray, on his feet again, taking down the perpetrator with a blow to the face and a vicious twisting of the man's arm, and then Ray is on his phone yelling something, but the bubble is in Fraser's ears now and he can't make out the words. It sounds like "All of us drown! All of us drown!"

Yes. All of us drown.

><

In the waters of Prince Rupert Sound, where the cold was so thick it was almost gelatinous, Fraser remembers breathing underwater like a merman.

Later, of course, when he was twisting on the shore coughing it out, Dief's thick ruff still under his clawed hand, he knew it wasn't air, but water. He knew it from the cold bite as it came back out of his lungs.

This time it isn't cold, it's warm leaving his lips, and Ray is making this distressed sound like a siren. No, that is a siren. Good. The police are here and will protect Ray because right now Fraser can do nothing at all but breathe hot liquid while the world swims around him.

He feels Ray lifting him into a seated position, and something grinds that shouldn't, and Fraser tries to scream but he can't.

><

He is rushing forward, a beeping ringing in his ears. His hand is cold—he can tell because it contrasts with the heat of someone holding it between warm palms. Fraser opens his eyes and sees it is Ray beside him, Ray's eyes staring blue and his wide mouth distorted.

Ray, Fraser tries to say, It's all right. He attempts to squeeze Ray's hand.

Ray shakes his head and says something, but Fraser cannot hear it. Just the wail of the siren, and the beeping that grows faster, irregular. It's annoying, really, and he makes a face; feels hard plastic digging into the skin around his mouth.

And then the beeping becomes one steady tone, and Fraser goes.

><

He is back in the Sound. It's peaceful here. He'd forgotten somehow, but now that he's back he remembers the soothing nature of this release, of letting go.

But something pricks at him so he can't truly appreciate it. He finds himself irritated—doesn't he deserve a rest? He is so tired of containing everything within the bounds of his body, his face, his careful movements. Everything accounted for, everything protected and closed.

Here there is no containing. He is the water; it blurs his edges. He tries again to flow downward, but the pricking pulls at him, a fishhook caught in his skin tugging him back. It forces his chest to rise and fall, rise and fall, a steady, monotonous motion, not free like the waves.

He hears a muddy voice through the water. The higher he rises the clearer it becomes, until he identifies Ray's cranky murmur.

"...go and get yourself dead, Fraser, because I'm not gonna to take it, all right? Wake your ass up."

Fraser obeys, opening his eyes. He blinks against the blur, and again, until he can see Ray's wild expression.

"Fraser!"

Fraser tries to move his lips but there is something blocking his mouth. He struggles in reflexive panic, and Ray's voice goes deadly calm.

"Hey, hey. Take it easy, okay? They've got some tube thing down your throat."

Fraser's body is shaking now, and pain washes through him colder than ice.

"Nurse! Nurse!"

He sinks down again.

><

The second time Fraser rises it is with the memory of rough hands and urgent commands. He moves his tongue experimentally and his mouth is free again. His chest is hot and heavy. He tries to speak, and a strange grunt emerges from him.

"Frase, you with me, buddy?"

Ray, he tries to say. Something else comes out.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm right here."

Fraser opens his eyes to check. Ray is there. His hair is strangely flat.

"Your hair," Fraser creaks out.

Ray's eyes widen and then he laughs, a short bark of sound. "Yeah, my hair isn't looking too good, huh? But you're looking worse."

"Under...stood."

"Jesus. Jesus." Ray is laughing now, but there are tears hanging in his eyes, making the blues bluer. "You're okay, Fraser. You're gonna be fine. Next time, try not to stop a softball bat with your ribs, okay?"

Fraser remembers it—the tight, vicious arc of the silver bat swinging toward Ray's head, toward Ray's face. Unacceptable, was what Fraser had thought in that moment, stepping forward into the swing, reaching out a moment too late to catch it.

"Next time," Fraser lies easily.

"Yeah. Next time, you'll just let 'em knock me in the head. Right? See, I've got a pretty hard head." Ray rubs his sleeve over his eyes.

Politely, Fraser looks away, but then a damp hand is touching his cheek, turning him back.

"Thanks, Frase."

The touch is so tender Fraser feels a deep startlement, something shifting in the depths of him. The same thing that had moved when he saw the bat aimed toward Ray's face. A large ocean creature changing the shape of the wave, pushing him upward.

Fraser lifts his heavy hand but drops it again at the pain. Ray's eyes change, and he takes Fraser's hand in his.

"What? This what you want?"

Fraser nods and squeezes Ray's hand. He dives into the blue of Ray's eyes.

"You scared me, okay? Don't do that."

Shaking his head, Fraser tries a smile.

"I didn't know what to do." Ray starts babbling, "You were drowning in your own blood, Fraser—they don't cover that in First Aid class. I called in the officer down and that was it—I just had to sit there watching you...watching you fucking leave on me. Don't pull that shit again, all right? Deal?"

"Deal, Ray."

Ray's hand is sweaty in his, but Fraser doesn't care. He feels the rough calluses, the tense strength, and Fraser won't let go, even when Ray tugs fitfully at the sound of approaching footsteps. Most of Fraser's body is weak and lethargic—it feels like it belongs to someone else. But his hand feels strong, holding Ray's.

"You gonna give me my hand back?"

"I'm afraid not."

Ray tugs once more, then gives up and suddenly smiles, his entire face creasing, eyes squinting so a tear tracks down one cheek. "Okay, then."

Fraser is exhausted, which is very disappointing because he thinks in this moment he could ask Ray for the impossible and Ray would actually give it to him. But a nurse intrudes, coming in to do things—checking this, pressing that—and Ray stays close, though eventually he has to release Fraser's hand. Fraser is surprised to realize at some point he had let go, but Ray hadn't.

The nurse leaves with a smile, and Ray comes back to his side. "You didn't thank her kindly, Fraser," he teases lightly.

"She...interrupted us."

"She did, huh?" Ray's voice is husky and low.

Fraser nods, suddenly speechless again.

"So, where were we?"

"Here." Fraser clears his throat and offers his hand. Ray takes it and tugs it closer as if pulling him from deep water.

Fraser breathes.


....................
2007.08.21

Comments

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Fraser is surprised to realize at some point he had let go, but Ray hadn't.

Love the precision of that observation and the fic itself. Very poignant and powerful.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Jane. The image sorta yanked me away from ho-J for a moment. I might be easily distractable.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

So good to read something by you again.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thanks, schnookie!

[slidellra.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love this! Fraser's dreamy disconnect is gorgeously conveyed and stands in fantastic contrast to the real, vivid trauma going on. And it's romantic, but not so schmoopy (I say so, and so it is so). Which is lovely.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you so kindly for the lovely words. And I'm grateful for the non-schmoop certification. :D

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Meep! Beautifully evocative -- love this: A large ocean creature changing the shape of the wave, pushing him upward.

Lovely!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Yay! That was my favorite bit, thank you!

[k1p2psso.livejournal.com]

I love that you've left the reader to connect 'All of Us Drown' to 'Officer down'

But then I love such word play.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Tankru. It totally drove the story for me.

[sisterofdream.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just loved this. And it was not schmoopy, it was too quietly desperate for that.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. Some day I shall write a totally la-la happy-go-lucky Fraser. No really. :)

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

WOW. That's...visceral and scary and real. I realized immediately what was happening, and you gave us a vivid description of what it might be like to have broken ribs, a punctured lung, to drown in one's blood. And Fraser would be tempted to let go, he sure would. And Ray would annoy him into staying. :) Poor Ray! What a hard, hard thing to deal with. The title is fantastic. Captures that surreal experience that a victim can have in an emergency; Ray's saying "Officer down," and Fraser's hearing "All of us drown," and it's relevant and real. And I didn't need Ray's explanation later, because despite the fact that it wasn't laid out in exposition, the scene at the beginning was crystal clear. That's just...masterly writing, that is.

I adore the rest as well, of course! F/K tenderness off the scale and sheer LOVE. Ray's weeping is so beautiful and, God, so immediate and real. And their hands, clasped. God. A brilliant, brilliant piece of work. Brava.

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Oh, and this:

Fraser remembers it—the tight, vicious arc of the silver bat swinging toward Ray's head, toward Ray's face. Unacceptable, was what Fraser had thought in that moment, stepping forward into the swing

Just brilliant. Fraser won't let them bash Ray's face! To prevent that unacceptable thing, any risk is justified. I love that so much!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for the keen words, sugar plum. Ray would be just that annoying to pull him up, wouldn't he? Beautiful tearful Ray. *smishes*

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Goodness!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

:)

Hey you, you live near me, what excuse have we for not hooking up?

[lipstickcat.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I'm speechless. I can't get over how vividly you write this, how beautiful the language you use is, how terribly magical the image you paint.

♥

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you much.

::hearts your iconage::

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful, so evocative.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly. :)

[bertybertle.livejournal.com]

Very nice indeed. Not a schmoopy word in sight!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Perhaps my schmoopometer is inadequately calibrated. :) Thank you, berty.

[hurry-sundown.livejournal.com]

Feeling pretty breathless myself about now - this is a lovely piece of writing.

The touch is so tender Fraser feels a deep startlement, something shifting in the depths of him. The same thing that had moved when he saw the bat aimed toward Ray's face. A large ocean creature changing the shape of the wave, pushing him upward.

Oh, the epiphany. Dude, this is quite possibly the biggest kink I have. *g*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Oh, me, too. I am shameless FT ho. Thank you, HS.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

GOD, this is gorgeous. Such beautiful language, a graceful tightrope walk of conveying EXACTLY what is happening through an unrealizble narrator. And Fraser DOESN'T thank the nurse, the SCAMP.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

He is BAD! :) Thanks, sweet pea. It was hard trying to impart stuff, but I enjoyed writing altered!Fraser.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

beautiful and breath-taking.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you kindly!

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

So beautiful. *is speechless*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

*smooches you* Thanks, my vicious.

[meresy.livejournal.com]

That's just fantastic. Dreamy and urgent all at the same time. Strangely perhaps, I also like that you went for a less obvious weapon. And poor Ray, I can just imagine his panic, how sharp everything must have been to him while Fraser was swaddled in confusion. And like others have said, it's a real skill or convey everything that happening clearly with a compromised narrator. Bravo!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

For the weapon inspiration I looked in the corner of my apartment. :D

Fraser was swaddled in confusion. Niiice. Thank you kindly for the swell note. I was hoping poor Ray's misery would come across.

[leafy22.livejournal.com]

He is so tired of containing everything within the bounds of his body, his face, his careful movements. Everything accounted for, everything protected and closed.

Here there is no containing. He is the water; it blurs his edges.

Oh, *poor* Fraser. But I love how Ray absolutely won't let him go.

He tries again to flow downward, but the pricking pulls at him, a fishhook caught in his skin tugging him back. It forces his chest to rise and fall, rise and fall, a steady, monotonous motion, not free like the waves.

He hears a muddy voice through the water. The higher he rises the clearer it becomes, until he identifies Ray's cranky murmur.

This is beautiful. Just gorgeous.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the kind words.

But I love how Ray absolutely won't let him go. Me, too! Oh, Ray!

[ifreet.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous. I love the way Fraser keeps straying from the reality of what's happening to his memories of almost drowning, and the way the language choices throughout keep bringing back that deeply-under feeling. The last two lines are absolute perfection.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks. You're very kind.

[dodificus.livejournal.com]

I really liked the way fraser described drowning, his relationship with water. it was beautifully written

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dodi! I always wonder how he fell in the Sound to begin with...

[pirl.livejournal.com]

"She...interrupted us."

So. Much. Love! Totally gorgeous and haunting. Pushes all my buttons. ;)

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Yay! I am unrepentant button-pusher. Thank you kindly. :)

[iadorespike]

Oh, Arrow...oh. This is just...oh. The imagery, your choice of words - phrases - just devastatingly beautiful, with quite an emphasis on the devastating.

And then the beeping becomes one steady tone, and Fraser goes.

He is back in the Sound. It's peaceful here. He'd forgotten somehow, but now that he's back he remembers the soothing nature of this release, of letting go.

But something pricks at him so he can't truly appreciate it. He finds himself irritated—doesn't he deserve a rest?

Poor Fraser, does he deserve a rest? *sigh* You've left me practically speechless, but all the water references in the fic - the drowning, the peace in the Sound, that he is the water, the the fishhook tugging him back, a muddy voice (a muddy voice! *loves*), the ocean creature shifting in the depths of Fraser himself, and so many others not quoted or paraphrased here...all just amazing.

Fraser is surprised to realize at some point he had let go, but Ray hadn't.

Oh, Fraser. :( Thank god for Ray. *pets them*

Arrow, you've moved me so much with this fic...thank-you. Really.

*clings*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

yay! Thank you, Anna! *twirls you like crazy* Now you are dizzy and have to sit down. :)

[zabira.livejournal.com]

i have one word for you: meep.

this was so sweet at the end, but you SCARED me (well, and ray, too, i guess). good job with freaking me out and making me a broken thing and then putting me carefully back together at the end.

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am sorry I ascairt you. I promise I wouldn't off anyone w/o warning. I'm glad your pieces are all bettah. :)

Thanks, Zabira.

[nos4a2no9.livejournal.com]

As someone who *ahem* has used the drowning metaphor before, I really have to say that you presented it perfectly, from Fraser's physical injury to the difficult emotional waters he treads with Ray. Everything here was precisely and very carefully developed, and the imagery you cultivated here offers a lot of insight to the process of writing itself, and to the way metaphors build on one another until you end up with a theme and a context and an honest-to-God narrative. Watching you build a story up is like learning what it means to write all over again, and this was a really breathtaking piece of work. Bravo. *tips hat*

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my sweet. I don't know what you're talking about (http://nos4a2no9.livejournal.com/137105.html), but I'm sure salty, tidal, angsty sexlove snippets by far excel over my clumsy oceanic imagery.

Plus: no albatross. Did you notice?

[snarkyducky.livejournal.com]

Ray rubs his sleeve over his eyes.
>_____<

The touch is so tender Fraser feels a deep startlement, something shifting in the depths of him. The same thing that had moved when he saw the bat aimed toward Ray's face. A large ocean creature changing the shape of the wave, pushing him upward.
you don't write with ink; you write with magic, right? oh yeah ok you write with a keyboard, but i was just talking symbolically..

even when Ray tugs fitfully at the sound of approaching footsteps
i love the word "fitfully" because it's so Ray! ;D

Ray takes it and tugs it closer, as if pulling him from deep water.
tugging is great. ♥

thank you for sharing this beautiful piece!

[arrow00.livejournal.com]

Thank you, but I swear I just wanted to make Ray cry. Anything else was purely incidental to the primary purpose. :)

And yes! You can never have too much tugging! Except I did!